THE WAR IS OVER!!

It is in the LOW 70's in Kansas City.

I repeat....the weather has cooled. It is in the LOW 70's.

Understanding, of course, that the good people of Kansas City are apparently used to spending their time in oven-like heat (you know, the kind that makes moving, breathing, and living impossible? The kind that causes you to sweat in places that, up until that point, you were positive didn't have sweat glands...like, for example, eyelids? THE KANSAS CITY HEAT MAKES MY FREAKING EYELIDS SWEAT. MY. EYELIDS. SWEAT.)

So, even though the people that are native to this area are used to this weather, EVEN THEY are getting sick of it. Even they hate sweating in the non-sweatable places of their bodies. What I'm saying is that it's NOT JUST ME.

It's freaking hot. This heat makes HELL look like DISNEY ON ICE. We're freaking dying out here. It's the nuclear holocaust and we're out of gas masks. (Can these analogies get more dramatic? Didn't think so.)

So, when it cooled down today, imagine our delight.

Delight? DELIGHT? Yes, delight. Similar to the delight of hearing, "Hey, Amanda, here's a pill. If you take this, you will immediately look like a young Suzanne Somers (pre thigh-master...like Three's Company Suzanne Somers) and money will rain from the sky...and oh, by the way, here's a genie to grant you 3 wishes." That kind of delight.

Immediately, I decided I was going to venture outside.

And, oh. Ohhhh. OHHHHHHHH. It was glorious. DELIGHTFUL, GRAND, and GLORIOUS.

As strains from "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" played in the background, people came out into the clear sunlight like prisoners emerging from a soviet gulag.

They were peeking out of potholes in the street, I tell you!

Windows flew open, people were waving at each other, singing to each other, strangers were kissing each other on the street in gleeful happiness and exuberant joy.

Confetti was raining from the sky - it was like the ticker tape parade after WWII ended - THE WAR IS OVER read the headline on the Kansas City Star!! We all danced and leapt and hugged and cried, and realized WE HAD MADE IT!! WE HAD WON!!!!!!

This is all a massive exaggeration, by the way, but I think it gets my point across. Basically, people were pretty excited about the weather today.

I'm sitting on my balcony right now, writing this, actually wearing more than a tank top and underwear for the first time in months, and my eyelids are NOT SWEATING, and I've decided that I'm just going to pretend that this heat is totally over. I'm going to pretend that this wasn't just a moment in time, a flicker of happiness in the midst of this godforsaken heat....and I am absolutely REFUSING to look at the weather forecast for tomorrow.

This is HILARIOUS

Check out this article - TOO FUNNY.

FYI if David ever did this to me, the only reason for the sign would be to cover the bloody gaping hole where his lower half used to be (these are pregnancy hormones talking, so I'm allowed to sound a little crazy...)

WIFE SHAMES CHEATING HUSBAND DURING RUSH HOUR

Burning shame combined with the August morning sun and about a gazillion highly amused stares was the punishment one man endured for cheating on his wife.

William Taylor of Centreville, Va., got caught getting a little action on the side when he forgot to remove the incriminating evidence from his cell phone.

After finding the proof, his wife doled out a rather interesting punishment -- she forced him to stand at one of the busiest intersections in the D.C. metropolitan area wearing a sandwich board telling everyone he's a cheater. Consider it a modern-day version of a scarlet letter -- humiliating, but less catastrophic than some scorned women's destructive revenge tactics.

"I thought she was kidding, but she was serious," Taylor said.
"I figured I got to do what I got to do to makes things right. So here I am."

His punishment is set to last all week. Each day when morning rush hour winds down, William gets a text from his wife, giving him permission to stop the public humiliation for the day, although repeat sightings of Taylor suggest this is at least a week-long punishment. Those daily texts will probably make him happier than all the ones he got from his mistress combined.

Gyros and Perrier

Not much going on this week, so I haven't posted anything...but now, there is something of utmost importance that I feel I must share with you.

Everything they say about pregnant women having weird cravings is absolutely TRUE.

2 weeks ago I would have called Bullsh*t on that - what, me, have some sort of craving for olives and american cheese spread with grape jelly? You must be joking.

Well, as I've come to find out about everything else with pregnancy, THE EXPERTS KNOW MORE THAN I DO! (to you, this may be obvious, but to a know-it-all like me, it's a major, huge revelation...)

So, cravings.

A few days ago, David and I were driving to the Super Target (they do not have these in Cleveland, and I am truly sorry for you, because, to me, going to Super Target rivals Cedar Point and Disney World combined.)

As we were driving, I looked to my left and there it was:

A GREEK RESTAURANT (aptly named "Mr. Gyros"...classy).

The feeling of need for a "Mr. Gyros" Gyro that I experienced was similar to a drowning person's need for oxygen. If I did not get my "Mr. Gyros" Gyro, I was either going to:

A.) Die

B.) Punch out the window of the car and jump out into the street like a rabid dog.

C.) Scream at David until he pulled over to get me a "Mr. Gyros" Gyro.

I chose the last option (However, if the car window had been open, I may have just ran for it.)

I looked at David with crazy eyes, and said, "David. Stop the Car." I think he thought I was in labor.

He pulled over, and I told him, wiping the saliva off my chin at various intervals, about the greek restaurant that we had passed.

He thought I was joking. Sadly for him, I was not.

5 minutes later, after my freak-out-shouting-tirade had finished, we pulled into the Mr. Gyros parking lot.


That gyro was damn good.

A similar thing happened later in the week with Perrier (you know, the fancy-schmancy bottled sparkling water imported from France?) Luckily for David I was by myself with nobody to scream at, so I just ran into the nearby coffee shop to quench my craving for classy water.



Lately I've been wondering...how would the two taste together? Would I be going too far...?

So, when somebody asks me if I've had any "crazy pregnancy cravings," I tell them, in a very serious voice, "Gyros and Perrier." The looks I get are pretty hilarious.

Keyboard Cat

Lazy Sunday afternoon = Amanda finding hilarious and totally nonsensical videos on YouTube. Laugh with me.

We're Buying a House! (If we can agree on one...)

Today we went looking at houses with our Buyer's Agent (we have a buyer's agent now - we feel important.)

We found 1 house that we liked a lot - David is a little more into it than I am - the basement is pretty icky (and I am NOT an icky-basement-person). However, the kitchen and the brand new deck/sunroom are AMAAAAZING. It's almost worth dealing with the icky basement.

Take a Look:

Here's 3 of the 10 houses that we're looking at next week:

Macy's Opens New Store: Couple Acts Like Raving Lunatics

What, you haven't heard all the way in Ohio? It's a pretty big deal in the Kansas City area. This week, MACY'S is holding their GRAND OPENING for their BRAND NEW STORE in the "Summit Fair Lifestyle Center!"

The excitement started building when we got a big exclusive looking invitation in the mail, inviting us to be one of the 1st 100 people in the store to receive a gift card, special coupons, and witness the Ribbon Cutting Ceremony!

We were excited.

Maybe it's because there's not much happening lately. Maybe it's because the temperature in Missouri rivals that of the SURFACE OF THE SUN and we haven't been outside in a while. Whatever the reason, the invitation went on our fridge and we waited patiently for Wednesday, August 5th to arrive.

Free samples! Coupons! Take a picture with Hello Kitty!

(Trust me, I tried to get David to do this - he would NOT.)

Here's what I'm imagining it might have looked like:

So I wait patiently for David to get home from work (he came home early - this was a big deal, after all) and we grabbed our invitation to the Macy's Grand Opening Event.

When we got there, cars filled the parking lot, traffic was backed up for 1/2 mile - we knew this was going to be BIG.

Finally, after fighting a family of 4 in a minivan for a parking spot, we marched towards Macy's waving our invitation (I resisted the urge to say to the people in my way, "Do you have any idea who I AM?!!")

And there it was:

Here's the deal: It's all one floor. It's like 50,000,000 square feet of bright lights and sparkly white tile. It's like being in a super-organized department store heaven.

It was really nice - flat screen TV's and leather couches in the dressing rooms...A big stuffed Hello Kitty shuffling down the aisles every so often...you get the picture. We were excited.

So immediately, David wants to make a huge purchase - to satisfy the Macy's Gods. We were in Macy's heaven, after all. He decides he wants to buy a suit.

This is actually a legitimate purchase, because his favorite suit got a few moth bites in it while he was living in Cleveland.

So we find the Men's Dresswear department on the map and after wandering around for 20 minutes, we end up in the suits (did I mention that for every department, there is a different music being piped in? For the suits, it was smooth jazz. We felt classy.)

Unfortunately, none of the suits are speaking to me - they're all solid black, gray - nothing that would match up to his moth-eaten suit, which is gray with a snazzy pattern on it. So I'm telling David, "no, these are all plain suits - you already have suits like this." But David is already in suit-buying mode...he's ready to make the sale. He has his 20% off coupon clutched in his hand like a man possessed. HE. WANTS. A. SUIT.

So, we start to argue. In the Men's Dresswear Department in the Macy's Heaven, with about 10,000 people meandering around and one large stuffed Hello Kitty eavesdropping on us.

The argument went on for about 5 minutes, but ended when David shouted, "I'M SICK OF WEARING THE MOTH SUIT! I WON'T WEAR THE MOTH SUIT ANOTHER DAY!"

People stopped shopping. I swear, I think the smooth jazz stopped and switched to goofy carnival music. Hello Kitty slowly shuffled away as the Men's Dresswear Department fell into awkward silence. Suddenly, we realized how absolutely ridiculous we were acting.

We decided to walk over to JC Penney's.

The Macy's Grand Opening coupon is good until Saturday - I think I'll be going there by myself. David just can't handle it yet.

We're Having A.....

We had the Dr.'s Appointment this morning. David and I psyched ourselves up for the news - I was mentally preparing for the fact that it very well could be a boy instead of the girl that I think/hope it is - David was giving me pep talks all the way to the hospital.

Side Note: I had my gestational diabetes test today as well - this is where they make you drink a glass of pure sugar syrup that is supposed to taste like orange pop (but does NOT.) After you wait an hour, they draw blood and look to see how much sugar my body was able to process - if I still have a lot of sugar in my blood, then chances are I could have gestational diabetes, and I have to go for more testing.

Regardless, the orange stuff tasted like absolute crap, and as I choked it down this morning at 8am, King David lay there in blissful slumber, having never had to get up 15,000,000 times during the night to pee, and not having to lay on HIS side.

This "lay on your side" thing is really starting to tick me off. The books and websites say that it is preferrable to lay on your LEFT side, so that all the pressure is taken off of my uterus. God forbid I lay on my back and possibly restrict blood flow to the uterus. The thought of accidentally waking up on my back makes me lie awake at night, worried I may commit unintentional fetus murder - so I'm not sure what's worse: lack of sleep due to the constant fear of accidentally rolling onto my back, or actually committing the heinous act of ROLLING onto my back. I don't know exactly what happens when you roll onto your back, but I'm imagining something akin to an atomic bomb exploding in my uterus, then I wake up in a red haze of spattered blood and guts, and...you get the picture. Well, as you can imagine, I'm not getting much sleep anyways.

So, David slept like a baby while I choked down the orange goo, and then we went to the Doctor. I got the blood taken (David had to step outside of the waiting room for that...wimp.) and then they put me in the room to wait for the Doctor. All we could talk about was, "WHAT IS IT GOING TO BE?!?!?!??

Well......here's the answer:

That's right! We don't freaking know for ANOTHER 4 WEEKS!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But, we do get to have one of those cool ultrasounds in 4D where you actually get to see what the baby looks like - it should look something like this:

So...sorry about the big letdown. Trust me, I was so disappointed that I almost couldn't bring myself to finish my cheese and veggie omelette after the appointment. (I said almost.) xoxo

David's Perfect Day

We went to brunch after Mass - it was very good - David ate a LOT. They had peel-and-eat shrimp (need I say more?) He was very happy.

After brunch David went downtown to listen to a concert by an Organist named Hector Olivera (apparently this guy is quite famous in the "organ world")

Now David is beached on the couch with the fan pointed at his crotch.

Today was David's perfect day.

Are we being narcissistic...?

Our excuse is that they were on sale for $3.

(This also begs the question...why don't they carry these in adult sizes? In my opinion, we'd all look cuter and more approachable walking around town dressed in onesies.)

We thought this might be a fun way to pass the time without killing each other...

We've decided to start blogging. I know, it was cool like 5 years ago, and now we're jumping on the bandwagon wayyyy too late - like the people who bought pagers in 1999....or a FRANKIE SAYS RELAX T-shirt in 1990...(I could do these analogies all day by the way)

But, since there's exciting stuff happening to us all the time, and most of our beloved family and friends are a few states away, we decided that instead of ceasing all communication and looking like the jerks that we've been looking like since January, we'd reach out. Call this a "Blog Summit." (in like 3 weeks nobody will get that reference..actually, maybe it's already too late to reference the Beer Summit. Oh well.)

David is at work right now. I am parked on the couch, watching Food Network, enjoying the cozy comfort of my new Maternity Tank Top from Target, drinking Ice Water, and basking in the cool breeze as it blows in through our curtains (thank you Aunty Jo)...it's a pretty easy life for me on Saturdays...don't tell David. I usually tell him I'm cleaning all day (even though I do that from like 11am-11:23am).

David has been doing very well - he LOVES LOOVES LOOOOOOOVES his job...I mean, seriously...he doesn't look forward to days off. At all. He usually finds some excuse to stop into work at some point - he loves it that much - which is great. I can't talk about my job on here, since I work with the Missouri Foster Care System, and it's a privacy issue - plus, I don't really like to talk about my job ad nauseum because it makes me a tad irritable. Actually, everything makes me a tad irritable - I'm an irritable, moody, overheated person lately...you can chalk that up to the pregnancy (that's my excuse at least..or else I'm going through some kind of hilarious weight-gaining, menopausal phase along with pregnancy...because I'm still waiting for the "glow" to arrive.) David told me he thought I looked like I was glowing yesterday, but I'm pretty sure it was just the sweat dripping off my head into my face as I trucked it through the parking lot of Target.

Regardless, we find out on Monday (hopefully) if our baby is a boy or a girl! I have to be honest - I'm reeeeeeeally hoping for a girl. I know, that is really bad. Because now I'm setting myself up for tears and disappointment when they see a little "thingy" on the ultrasound...I don't really know how I'm going to handle it - I'm just hoping it's a girl. Because if it's a boy, I'm going to have to do some serious attitude adjustment.

No offense to David or my brother, whom I love dearly, but I just know that a male child raised by David and I are going to be a combination of him and my brother. Ugh. I do not want to be responsible for releasing another male into the world that wears pungent cologne and can't cook toast and drives too fast and talks too loud on his cell phone and chews his gum like a cow and cuts his face when he shaves (but won't put a piece of tissue on it - UGHHHH) and smells gross when they're a teenager, and doesn't eat vegetables, and REFUSES to iron, and believes there is some sort of cleaning fairy who will walk behind them and pick up whatever they don't feel like throwing away, and and on and on and on....yuuuuuuck. See what I mean? I really hope it's a girl. (now I'm not saying that I was some sort of wonder-child..but I think I can handle a little version of my mother and I...somewhat.)

Next post David or I will write more about Kansas City... xoxo